tl;dr: dont watch the movie, its not worth it, read my review instead L:

Recently I watched "RRR" / "Roudram Ranam Rudhiram" / "Rise Roar Revolt" / "Redeem Redeem Redeem"
because I misidentified it as "Baahubali: *" which contains an infamous human catapult scene.
Well, no use crying over spilled milk, I better cope with this by pretending
it was mentally stimulating, within the confines of a supposed-to-be pseudo-intellectual schitzo rant.

As a reminder,
the rule-of-cool, as I know it, originates from tabletop-rpgs. It simply states:
> Fun is preferable over realism.
And it is a guiding-light to newbie GMs, pulling them away from the darkness of power-tripping.
However, it is a well known concept in fiction too, and a sign to tap in critique-criticism.
Remember this, dear reader.

I am a man, I love the sign of the stronger expressing his supremacy.
I like powerful cold'n'calculating villains and I like John Wick murdering without end.
Women love convoluted human relations.
They like conflict and drama as a whole.
Both of these, simply by their nature, involve suffering.
Emotional or physical; the point being that it relies on harm, but as a side effect.

Indians love physical harm.
They don't like extended suffering, they don't care about the context,
they don't like the consequences of harm, they like the physical harm as an end.
I've heard this, I have seen a few example and this movie is final conformation.
You will see.

The movie is supposedly centered around the rivalry of the two protagonists.
I would prefer to not use their names
-because I don't remember them, and I don't expect you to do either-,
instead I'll opt for titles.
The movie actually calls them "The Dog" and "The Tiger" at one point.
I could call them that...

Anyways, meet The Dragon,
unwilling to bend the knee to le hecking evil English colonizers of circa 1900.
His counter-part is The Mad Dog, who works for the aforementioned racists.
Both of them are brave and fierce warriors and...
Ugh, The Dragon sobs sometimes while The Mad Dog is cold on the surface?
I would like to characterize them further,
but I'm not exactly getting much help from the movie.

In fact, that warrior part, right? Ugh.
So if you were to ask me what type of warrior Rambo is,
I would answer guerilla.
If you were to ask about Jack sparrow,
I would tell you his weaselly ways.
Wick? Well trained, precise and relentless.
Heavy from tf2? Brute force.
Etc, etc, etc.

These two however,
are extremely in hand to hand, bow/arrow and firearm combat,
have inhuman strength, speed, movement, resilience,
etc, etc, etc.
They are amazing at everything,
but only to the degree the plot needs them.

Now lets be clear here,
the writers are not making a power-fantasy,
no, not in a conventional sense.
It, with some generosity, a power-fantasy such
that a five year-old hitting together his lead soldiers is.
And, that's an important point,
because everything else is just as primitive.
The reason why this is crucial,
is that it reflects on indian society as a whole.

Allow me to elaborate on the inhuman movement part too.
Its acrobatics nor parkour.
You know how in chinese martial art movies people are basically flying?
But there is integral to the universe. Its simply a thing that happens.
Here, these two are simple exempt from the laws of physics.
Have you played AC Unity?
Me neither, partially because the climbing animations are uncanny.
That, but with shitskins.

Anyways,
the story starts with the sister of The Dragon being kidnapped
by Ze Dominatrix and her husband, Fat Hunter Guy.
This scene gives us the single best clip of the movie,
one that I'm unsure of how to link here. (Emil?)

This is followed by The Mad dog shown in law-enforcement service.
He then proceeds to beat up his völkmates,
in the most terrifying creepy-crawly-horror scene:
being rushed by hordes of indianmen.

10 minutes in, we have already seen the head of a young mother being bashed in
and people rolling down a hill in slow-mo with stunningly
detailed cracking and snapping sound-effects.
I will refrain from detailing everything like that,
but trust me, its constant.

Much of the following scenes can be summed up with single sentences:
> The Dragon is introduced as a bit of a nature's man
> he wants his sister back
> The Mad Dog must apprehend a rumored threat to authority to gain his dream promotion (you have to guesses to figure out who that would be)
> the two meet by accident and their friendship is established (using a montage)
> The Dragon lusts after a whitewoman
> she, as it is clearly true for all whitewomen, is unable to resist the call of the 5 inch shit colored (and soaked) D
> ugh, dance?

This is apparently a musical. Sort of?
There is music involved, specifically written for this piece.
People do sing. People do dance.
Yet, its sparsely spread out and neither all in-universe or all dramatic.
Clearly, this is a bit of culture shock, however there is a parallel that explains it all for me.
Consider this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lFx_eAoOGU&list=PLxS5KZTYL0NpjPEkYp42hNyxZpXSHisA2
And this: "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit."

At this point the viewer is also made familiar with their use of CGI,
To be fair, it looks decent, for 2007 that is.
Which, I would honestly not mind, if it wasn't overused in scenes running for way too long.
Oh, wait, I have a right arrow key, I sincerely don't mind then.
But, the reason I need to skip ahead is because the misapply the rule of cool.
Capturing a computer tiger for 5 minutes is not cool.
Random train crashes being solved with random rope tricks is not cool.

I assume, the way it was written is constructing the general story arch and the action,
then filling it in with dialog under 15 mins before shooting.
It does feel like that atleast.
No one ever says anything actually interesting.
At best, you get a short explanation of what the next action scene will be.

Then, The Mad Dog is paralyzed by venom while The Dragon reveals his identity
and hurries away to an attempt to free her sister.
His plan involves freeing numerous wild and dangerous beasts
within the confines of the br*tish headquarters during a night party.
The same headquarters which was just established to be the home of musicians,
good hearted servants and many generic civilians, including the crush of Mr. Dragon.
Many die in the chaos.
The morality of his actions is never brought up.
Anyways, The Mad Dog catches up and reveals his real identity as a police officer
as he attempts to arrest Mr. Dragon.

I have heard this advice from Crimson Rogue,
where if you want a character to be badass, make him get beaten up so he can stand up.
This is good advice; to a degree that is.
Then again, we know why they are doing it.

The Dragon protests by stabbing The Mad Dog clean through the heart,
from which he promptly stands up and accomplishes his mission.

He finally gets his dream position, but its not what it appears.
You see, he wasn't actually a race-traitor of the poo-nation,
no stalker child, he is actually plotting a revolution by leaking guns to the public.
His plan was all along to scam his way into the ranks of the white people,
only to redistribute their wealth among his own!
Wait. Wow, wait...

Carrying on, now its time for Mister Dragon to be publicly tortured by none other,
but his good friend.
When Ze Dominatrix, decides that normal whipping is not severe enough of a punishment,
she lends her special barbed-wire-whip that she always has by her side,
with a 15 meter effortless throw.
And there is singing again for some reason?

After the ordeal, The Mad Dog has a change of heart,
where his life goal must be overwritten now, by friendship,
because Mister Dragon is a revolutionary symbol now, I guess.
This is followed with concern, by his uncle,
who also works for the police, is just now introduced,
does that annoying indian head wobbling thing
and is complete irrelevant going forward.

Therefor, he manipulates his way into an arrangement,
where Mister Dragon is to be executed at an abandoned place,
along with her sister.
This is of course a plot for the perfect rescue mission,
which involves The Mad Dog getting impaled on a tree,
then severely beaten, captured, imprisoned and starved.
Regardless, the execution candidates run free into the wild.

Months pass and we see what the English have been up to:
They are searching the city from house to house as that will surely yield results,
as "there was nowhere else to go".
Lol, don't they know my man The Dragon is a nature's man?
He run into the wild never to be seen again!
Fucking retards.

Mister Dragon is hiding out in some random house.

Wait, what?

He is just chilling. No need for cellars or attics.

Wait, what?

He and his sister are starving.

Wait, what?

Then the br*tish come, but they pretend to have cholera so the intruders run away.

Wait, what?

The city lockdown is never mentioned again.

Wait, what?

Not a single happening makes sense here.
Things are established in a rush, then defused even quicker with no consequences,
or even key frames the writers could have wanted to force in.

Ugh, regardless, Mister Dragon meets the fiancee of The Mad Dog
and his full backstory is finally elaborated on.

In a flashback, it is established that in the indian dining ethic,
it is quite important which one of your bare hands you use to eat from the ground,
but also,
he was raised under his fathers paramilitary regime.
Mr. Father used to be a soldier,
but went rogue after he witnessed the English carry out a brutal execution with a hammer,
just to save a bullet.
How the English say that a bullet is worth more than an indian life is one of his main talking points.
Comedically enough, he doesn't refute it, he just seethes endlessly.
The Mad dog, behind his fathers back steals his rifle -the only one they have-
and practices shooting.
This is something he apparently was born for with, super human abilities.
Not to mention that he is like 9 and shoots standing.
When his father learns this, he wants to severely punish him until he realizes his skill.
This is an express of the ancient indian wisdom
that discipline is unimportant if the consequences of your actions so happen to turn out well.

Their happiness is short-lived however.
They are attacked by vicious Englishman.
A smaller army which The Mad Dog manages to wipe,
with the help of his fathers sacrifice,
who makes him promise to become a revolutionary.

And there is the fiancee.
Mostly just to deliver trivial dialog in this scene,
educate The Dragon on the good-heart of his man
and to compel him to launch a rescue mission.
In that exact instant of the night, and all alone, of course.

That's the other thing.
These two are showcased as mythical heroes,
and your common indian as cowardly, weak and submissive to the whiteman's yoke.
Named characters are slightly better,
but by the virtue of taking place in india,
every scene has thousands of insect people refusing to act like men.
This, sounds about right to me.

Anyways, we reached our conclusion within the confines of a 25 minute long action scene.

Mister Dragon breaks into the prison yard,
where his friend is kept in an undergound cage.
They find each other with TCP/groundpounding and the power of brotherhood,
which is significantly more retarded then The Mad Dog simply extending his hand from the cage.
They begin to flee, but on no, he can't walk on his tortured legs so The Mad Dog pigibacks.
They proceed to beat up, then shoot half a battalion while exhibiting this image of Kali.
To be fair, this is fun enough that it is a correct application of the rule of cool.
They drop their looted weapons, climb a tower,
they look so cool that the guns spawn back at their hands,
they jump off and flee into the jungle.

But, oh no, they are spending the special forces!

Doctor Dragon rubs cow dung on Mister Mad Dog's broken knees and that makes it all better.
Good thing too, because they are surrender by silent and deadly assassins,
and their 400 pound lamps.
The leader of the special forces then has a meaningless conversation
with the headquarters on his mobile phone | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | mid-mission .

They proceed to kill everyone. By they I mean the protagonists of course.

The scene has been dragging on for so long now that its day break.

They, go on to attack the headquarters head on.
They kill everyone there too.
The Mad Dog finally gets to chance to recite his father's wisdom
about a bullet being more expensive than an indian life,
while executing The Fat Hunter Guy.

Oh, there is one (1, singular) survivor,
romance-interest lady;
who, now must live in a society that does not recognize the concept of consent.

This board is set to just use HTML by default.
Allowed tags: a (href), b, blockquote, br, code, dd, dl, dt, em, i, li, ol, p, pre, strong, sub, sup, u, ul.
You can see these via More Options -> formatting: HTML. I should probably just hardcode that to always be visible.

for example, the most based website to ever be created by mankind.

--

for example, the most based website to ever be created by mankind.

for some reason pre refuses to just work, whatever...

> Captcha: souckish

Pro tip: Never watch Indian movies.
Con tip: Captcha is fucking me...

captcha has been cucked for the mentally immoral and physically crippled

xolatile: We can't play here, 3 of us, servers are retarded...
xolatile: It's either 1v1 or 2v2, can't set up 1v2.
emil: I'll just open up another client...
xolatile: Holy fuck. L:
anon: He can play with his other pinky finger.
emil: Yeah, with my mighty pinky finger.
* xolatile dies...
* xolatile respawns after 3 minutes...